So long 2014 you wont be missed much!

So just like every other year I try to finalize a year with an entry in this blog to sum down the year and expectations for next year kinda.....

I guess I feel this year was pretty shit overall with only few minor good things happenig and overall I hit pretty big rock bottom that I haven't felt in quiet a good few years, but there were few good reasons for it I suppose and we got to take the bad with the good in this life.

* This year few of very important individuals in my life have died and especially it was super shit when Silver had to be put down a day before my birthday. I really hate my birthday as it is and spending it on your own and grieving your companions death it really took its toll on me to be honest and I still really miss her even the festivities aren't really felt that much because shes not there to be her mischevious self. Genuinely this year I had to say far too many goodbyes and everybody is really missed! RIP you guys you will never be forgotten!

* Whats just as bad on the the same level more less, some people who were really close to me for a very long time whom I trusted with everything fucked me over royally and then expected me to just act like nothing happened and it was nothing. It says a lot about your friends tho when you get ditched for being in a company with a skank who is trying to play like shes innocent and sweet and surround herself by guys who all got a crush on her.I guess lesson for next year is to shorten a list of people I consider friends and just serve the finest kind of revenge when someone fucks you over make them powerless while you shatter the world around them its the best kind of revenge one can serve!

*Loosing my internship because the company shortened my contract....... Around Easter time I lost my internship and was really upset over it as I really loved the place and hate the whole *looking for a job part* Id rather be given a job and do it than go through that "get to be felt worthless" bullshit all over again,but yeah I just attract shit so it seems and should have expected everything going down the drain as my internship was going far too well... so I was unemployed for about 2 months until I got into another internship.Got to admit the whole jobsbridge scheme we got here is a soul killer.Working your ass off and putting in extra hours here and there and for fuck all and just a thanks is very much making you wonder what has this country turned to?And of course lack of internship ment money was reeeallyyyy tight tight this year which usually meant tighter budget and less niceys like art supplies or materials for sewing to be aquired during the year it sucks when you cant afford even the simplest of hobbies and is still beyond me how can some people go out and drink every weekend on social welfare money and afford all the high tech technology .As I genuinely felt artistically unsatisfied with myself because I could not afford anything and my small budget for this year.

*My health and mental state just went down the drain this year ...I've being realy sick overall all this year injuries,illnesses and overall feeling meh just plagues me which ment I think I spent most of my year just being sick and working for more less free which is not fun at all the shit you put up with like working with a leg injury in hope you get kept on after your contract is finished.Seriously the fuck did I put soo much effort into when at the end of the day you just more less get a handshake and words saying *well thanks for your work goodbye now*


*My mate Steve introduced me to Muay Thai Kickboxing this year which was completely new experience for someone like me who is a lazy bugger when it comes to sports and I really em enjoying doing it. I would never join a gym as its too pretentious and wouldnt be ambitious enough for me even if I joined with someone ,but muay thai is both fun and makes you feel like you've done some exercise at the end of the day which is both fun and beneficial to me :)

*When world fails you you realise who truly  is there for you. As a saying goes in a Kingdom Hearts game ; "we got to loose to gain!" I have lost much respect and trust in quiet a few people this year that will never be regained again, but no matter how upsetting it is I feel like I gained a comrade whom I can count on or talk about anything without being told I'm unreasonable or any strings attached. Someone who will always be blunt with me, but also will just accept me the way I am not what the world around me sees I should be like. Its an odd feeling of just simple happyness, but I guess its just simple happyness like this that is something I've being missing for a very long time and I'm really truly cannot be more grateful for just coming across it just randomly out of nowhere. I guess this is the sort of happyness one should treasure like the biggest treasure in the world as things like this only happen once in a lifetime and I do have bad tendencies to be a big fuck up overall so I'll try my best to just hold onto it for as long as I can and try to repay back with the kindness by being a loyal comrade!

*As for next year in January after hard work and soo many failures I am finally getting a full time job. Kinda relieved more than anything as it would be nice to be able to have a bit extra to put away every week hopefully for my savings as I plan to travel a little when I can afford to and just it feels there is a bit of hope that after hard work savings I can do something with my life rather than all work for fuck all pay and just having tiredness at the end of the week.It was odd sitting eating bowl of porridge this xmass and going *wow I'm gonna be able to afford stuff next year!* so hopefully I wont fuck up with my work even tho who knows how it will go I can only hold my fingers crossed so far.

* Final year of being on meds! It was nice and rather terrifying to find out that there was something wrong with me ,but thankfully thats fixable even tho after blood tests I was just sitting for few weeks shitting myself thinking they'll turn around and say my liver or kidneys are almost non existent,but seems in one year hopefully my blood will be back to normal and I may be able to heal like at a proper human being rate so it will be something new being able to heal faster like a proper human being.

*Finally get Irish Citizenship I guess what was stopping me was its fairly expensive and if you don't work well... you cant afford one even if youve being in a country for a long time.Next year this will be my main savings priority apart from emergency medical fund incase I get sick or need an operation of some sort.

*Hopefully do more photoshoots I've already a small plan established of what photoshoots Id like to have done the following year just got to make sure it happens and hopefully build up more ideas as I go along too :)

*Be more organised on certain arts projects even if it means staying up for all nighters fueled up by hot drinks and waking up early to get certain projects done.I really need to create more artworks and pieces for photoshoots etc...

*Save enough for a nice trip somewhere in 2016 I genuinely would love to leave the country and go somewhere,but not sure yet where I wanna go so would be nice to have some savings done the following year with a new job and explore a new place somewhere.

Apart from that I can only hope that my year wont turn into yet another 300 something day long nightmare and only ok things happen in it.Of course you cannot have good without bad,but you know would be nice to have more memorable good moments than bad for once,but sadly one cannot predict the future!

So I just got to go into 2015 with more less an invisible blindfold only knowing the past and not being able to see what shall future hold for me,but hey thats just the way our lives are made I suppose....


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